HEARD IN THE LUNCHROOM



THEIR KIDS WILL BE TOE-HEADED, COMEDIANS!

Ellen DeGenerous and Portia De Rossi are making it legal this weekend.
My only complaint will be the predictable fashion. I wish they'd mix it up and have Portia outfitted in something from Men's Wearhouse and Ellen slip into a slinky Vera Wang number.

(For shits and giggles, read the "opinions" of all the super urban and open-minded usmagazine.com readers. You may want to pour a glass of French Burgandy, light an American Spirit and really enjoy the top-notch writing.)

The Ronson strap on must be getting musty. I mean, we all knew LiLo was a lesbian imposter, but some Miami spies have reason to believe she's a closet heterosexual. In the Delano's Florida Room on August 5th, Lohan was "laughing and giggling" with a bunch of over-tanned lotharios and it's got the gossip rags drooling. Shoot, if all it takes is giggling with the guys to indicate forplay of some type, I better rush to get the morning after pill.

He seems like the type who would look at himself in the mirror on the brink of orgasm.

So does he.